At some point in our lives, we’ve all surely asked ourselves this question: What else do I need to do to make that person realise that I love and care about him/her? As science has proven, we’re all different in our own ways. In Dr Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Languages of Love that was published in 1995, he revealed that in a nutshell, there are five common things people are drawn to when it comes to feeling loved and appreciated by another person. The five elements are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and Physical Touch. Based on these five elements, it comes as no surprise as to why we keep asking ourselves the earlier question, because the way one person perceives love to be can be the total opposite of the way another person perceives love to be.

Of course, there are also different types of love that we’re forced to deal with in life: love between our parents, relatives, friends, other half, in-laws, etc. If you’re finding it hard to express your love to the person you’re going out with, the least you can do is to have a good talk with him/her about how you really feel. Try asking your partner about his/her language of love and find out if both of you are able to cope with each other’s expectations before taking it to the next level. Below are five real-life experiences of what different languages of love mean to different people and in different contexts – mine included.

Words Of Affirmation

“Throughout my life, having been surrounded by adults who felt like they should only complain and not compliment other people has affected and changed me a lot. I remember having the ability to block out whatever anyone said to me when I was younger, but over time, I realised that the one thing that I treasure a lot is when people are honest and up front with me. I don’t expect people to re-affirm me with words of encouragement constantly but I’d be super thankful whenever they do and it makes a whole load of difference whenever someone says anything nice to me. Likewise, when people do something nice for me, I’d do the same for them. No doubt, we live in an extremely fast-paced world and at times, we can get quite carried away and perhaps even forget who we are. I believe in telling people about the traits that I look up to in them because (like me), we’ll never know when a person is feeling crappy about themselves and it’s through these little actions that their spirits will be lifted and they’ll feel better instantly.” – Vasenta Selvanayagam, Digital Content Producer, Sense Scoop

Acts Of Service

“Due to the fact that my husband, Ben has been with me through my toughest times (when I was battling cancer) and is continuing to do so, it’s truly the little things that count when I’m feeling unwell that makes my day. Ben makes it a point to clean the house almost everyday (even mopping!) just to keep the environment around me clean. When he found out that I was stressed out about the accounts of my business, he stepped in to help with that too. His actions have taken a lot off my shoulders and helped me to relax more. Of course, I try my best to do the same for him!” Choo Mei Sze, Youth Ambassador for The National Cancer Society of Malaysia, Emcee, Host and Speaker

Receiving Gifts

“I cry every time the guardhouse calls and tells me to pick up a package that’s waiting for me. This is because it’s always a beautifully thought out, meaningful gift that someone (be it a friend, client, family member or PR company) has lovingly put together to share with me or my daughter, Ella Grace. It isn’t about the monetary value – it could be an old sock too but if that old sock has meaning and intention behind it, then it becomes the most special treasure to me! It’s like saying someone sees me, someone remembers me and someone loves me.” Racheal Kwacz, Child and Development Specialist

Quality Time

“I’m an introvert and personal space is a very big deal for me, so when I love someone, regardless of how busy I am, I’ll always make the effort to spare some time and have my attention on him. Be it staying in or going out, I’ll always make time for quality moments with my partner.” Nalisa Alia Amin, Model and Beauty Influencer

Physical Touch

“Previous theories have mentioned that our love language is the language we never received in our childhood, which, if you think about it, might be true. As an Asian who grew up in a conservative family, hugging isn’t our thing and when I do it with a person that I’ve had an intimate relationship with, it becomes something that I desire. To me, being able to share a connection through touch is impeccable. Sometimes, we can’t share our thoughts via words but a simple touch could explain our feelings and thoughts better, and at times, even something more. To conclude, physical touch to me delivers something that words can’t, and if we know our partner enough, even a single touch and deep gaze into his/her eyes can feel like there are a million butterflies in our stomach.” Sisil, Sex-ed Content Creator

Featured image: Amy Shamblen @ Unsplash

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